The person you married is not the same person you are divorcing. What was once comfortable is now feeling very different. Coffee brewing in the morning is strained when before it signaled the start of a fresh bright day. Tip toeing becomes the norm, as normal now as falling asleep on the couch after the news and not making it up to the matrimonial bed. What’s the point, you wonder…simple gestures are nuanced with double entendre’s as you wait for the other shoe to drop. Your marriage is over. Who will make the first the move?
You are entering the world of the hurry up and wait game and it is a frightening ,nerve wracking, gut wrenching world. How the hell do I get through this, where do I start? Your head spins with the well intentioned “advice” from dear friends, store clerks, taxi drivers because everyone has their own personal scars worn as badges. They believe they made it through to the other side and some have but most do not because divorce is an ever changing game with many moving parts and your somewhere seated on that roller coaster.
If you have read this far then you might be relating as your divorce has become your companion, your new BFF and your worst enemy. I know this because I wear my badges earned and collected and added to the day I became The Practice Wife, 10 long years ago.
What is The Practice Wife? The Practice Wife is usually the woman who married, had children, cared for the house, worked, engineered schedules, soothed eruptions, stroked crankiness, comforted rough patches, grocery shopped, captained thousands of homework hours, slept very little and gave more than she had. The Practice Wife does this because vows were made with the best of intentions but the sanctity of union got lost somewhere, camouflaged in compromise, negated and neglected.
The Practice Wife is the woman who stood by and through the toughest and roughest years, to raise children, support her mate, negate her needs to unceremoniously be replaced with the newer and enormously improved younger version of herself. She can be less than perfect, ornery, argumentative, too strong, too weak, skinny, fat, exhausted, Mensa scholar…..but the common denominator of each and every Practice Wife is the woman about to enter into the divorce factory.
The divorce process is a multi billion dollar industry designed to recycle money, a perfected factory and you are now part of it’s currency. Or maybe not.
The Practice Wives Club is designed to educate women and eradicate the grotesque misuse of our family legal system. The factory has become bloated with lawyers who sleep well, misguided third party protection agencies, burnt out judges, social workers without any legal training, unregulated parenting coordinators, ADR specialists, life coaches, mediators, arbitrators and assessors. These days it seems that just about anyone can hang a shingle.
This blog is intended to answer your questions, to simplify, to sift through and distill core matters and issues that are inevitable. The process of divorce is intentionally confusing and kept that way so as to mitigate a shift in the power of the family law system back to the court for the people.
The Practice Wife will challenge and empower women. It will encourage women’s thoughts and support through her contribution to this blog by writing and posting, enquiring, and sharing her own experience within our exclusive community.
“Understanding the Process” is the first official blog and will be posted Sunday February 5, 2017.